so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
