the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
