someone get that fucking seahorse.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
