while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
