the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
