Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
