and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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