we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
