Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize