I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize