so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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