he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
