The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
