i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
