I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
