I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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