i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize