The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
