I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize