Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize