I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
