That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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