You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
