she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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