Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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