Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize