fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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