so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
