He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Say something about gay babies.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
