Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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