Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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