I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize