i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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