Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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