I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize