NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
