You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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