Don't make out with my wife yet
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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