i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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