He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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