Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
