Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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