if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
