I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
