areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
