Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
