i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
