Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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