I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
