:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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