He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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