How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
