Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
