we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
