This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
