Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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