took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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