OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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