it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
