So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
