Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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