was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
