i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
