I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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