You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize