dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
