I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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