I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize