we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I came so hard my ears popped.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
