oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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