Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
