so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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