Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
