I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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