I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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