so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
its not stalking. its research.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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