Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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