come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
