i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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